Tournament/Gustavus Game recaps

Exit 69, September 7-8, 2006

as written by Brian "Rizzo" Zawacki, October 12, 10:40PM

Sunday Statistics

      What a weekend. Here’s the summary, I’ll start at the beginning. We awoke before the sun rose Saturday after a ludicrous Friday night. Not everyone made it… We arrived in typical High fashion, 15 minutes before game time. Our first game was against Iowa St., who we had just had a good game with in Grinnell. We came out fired up. All day there would be a strong upwind/downwind. I guess it is nice practicing on the windy hill. Our cup was good. In fact, no team scored upwind on us all day. With 3 breaks (including an upwind to win the game) we beat Iowa St. 13-9. Our next game was against St. Johns. The last time we played St. Johns I was on the sideline with a missing appendix and our season was 2 points away from being over. A day to remember in the history of The High, we came back to make it to regions, and I got to play again that year. We figured they would be pumped, but with upwind break after upwind break, we broke their spirits. The game ended 13-3.  Our third game of the day was against Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Again, our cup proved unbreakable and with a couple more upwind breaks we took the game 13-7, and with it, the number one seed in our pool heading to pre-quarters. The last game of the day, our first bracket game, we drew Marquette who went 3-0 in the B pool to make it to the championship bracket. We didn’t underestimate them and came out strong. The wind continued to blow, and with it, we glided into to quarterfinals. 13-7 I believe.

      After some Olaf guys told us we wouldn’t be able to get into the showers, we went anyway and were rewarded with warm showers, and a stack of 25 hand towels. Perfect. Next, a camp site. It was getting dark and I was a little skeptical, but we were led to a sweet fucking spot in this park where we camped for free and had our own private place to chill. Before settling in though it was time to gorge ourselves at Perkins with some Tremendous Twelves, pies, and anything else left stranded on a table (Bussey took care of most of that). Back to the campsite and a nice fire. 2 30 packs and a few hits from the triple chamber waterpipe, it was time to sleep/pass out.  Sunday morning came early with our first game at 9 against a GOP team we hadn’t beat in a while. Today would be a different story. We came out strong again and won 13-7 against a rather bland GOP team (I think I only saw 3 Hawaiian shirts, was up?). For semifinals, Luther upset Cut, and we would have a rematch of last years regional game in which Luther clipped us 15-10. We came out hard, and we never let up. We dominated a Luther team which had been doing most of the domination of us in the past few years, winning 13-3! Gustavus was going to the ship. Another semi-upset saw a club team from Minneapolis, Liquid Assets, beat unbeaten Northwestern. It was a fun match up for us as we had already played against a lot of these guys in our summer league. We started off a little rough, and the wind was as quiet as it had been all day, so we were forced to play some man for the first time in the tourney. But after trading points to bring it to 4-2, we started rolling. We ended up taking half on a break to make it 7-6 and never looked back winning 13-7.  Soon after the clothes came off and the celebration began. What a weekend.  

Max - Can’t say enough about him. After a rough Friday night, came out and dominated Saturday. Touched the disk a lot this weekend, mostly catching it, but had at least 5-6 hand/footblocks. Absolutely stellar in the cup. Max and I had our connection flowing better than Grinnell, and he made some unbelievable throws in the wind to me (and a lot of other people too). Monster Downwind hammer to me, so sick. Kneed player in balls. 

Freshman - Flat out - This weekend was the best I’ve ever seen Tyler play. He did not drop the disk, did not make his patented throws into the ground, and played great D. When Tyler has his game going, its pretty damn good.  

Crimedog - Quist played exceptional. Quist is an example of someone who has worked on his throws really hard, which meant he was going to play a lot with the windy conditions. We tried to get him to be a handler last year, but after this tourney I think he has solidified his position as a mid. Not sure when, but this kid learned how to layout and he made some great catches this weekend. With his throws, and now his ability to function as a mid in our disorganized offense, he is going to be taking a big bite out of the competition this year. 

Kyle -  Did Kyle scream after we won Exit 69? I wasn’t sure, I thought I heard a murmur… Kyle is the quiet force on our team. He sneakily and stealthily consistently gets open on offense, and plays solid D. I really enjoyed our hookup in finals. Money. Next rainy day, I’m gonna get you to layout. 

Vick -  Whitoff had an ankle the size of my calf and the color of the grape juice that has been sitting on my desk for 3 weeks only 10 or so days ago. He showed what an athlete he is by rehabbing it and being able to not only play, but play out of his mind this weekend. Short on handlers, he played probably the most out of anyone not just because he’s in great shape, but because he had to. Ran the offense against the cups we saw. With 4 assists to me in the finals game, I think even Vick himself was running out of endzone dances to do.  

Bussey: Did you go through some sort of psychologist or hypnotist before this weekend, because something got into you. You played so well. Put the disk where I could catch it, that’s all I ask. Didn’t make many turns at all. Is a leader for this team and proved it this weekend. Fuckin right doggie. 

Nick – Solid. Made some great cuts in the finals game, as a mid, learning where he needs to be as the handles move the disk. 

Glen – Showed up wasted with 3 points to go in the pre-quarters game Saturday afternoon. Fell numerous times. Shoved Marquette player after a point. Saw four disks, managed to catch winning score. Was quite a show. 

Cock Block – Missed most of Saturday cause of vaginitis. Played solid Sunday. Was a boost having someone confident with throws. Defense was ever so passionate. You have a large place to block. 

Willie – Stepped up huge this weekend. I felt confident with Willie on the line in critical spots because of his throwing ability and great hands. Got elbowed in the face in finals game, blood was everywhere… cool.  Now every time I see his shining face I am reminded of how hardcore the High is. I woke up Saturday night to see Willie curled up outside under the moon, he’s soo cute. 

Elliot – As his throws continue to get better (handling in the future?) he will play more. Played solid while he was out there. You have nice hair. You are also on the far left of the naked picture, which means you were the closest to the little girls, pervert. 

Puffer – You are big.  Milwaukee player: “He is just so huge, I was trying to get around him, but he is just so huge.” (as he walked off the field upon being embarrassed).  If puff daddy had a roll on Saturday  it was to catch as many scores as possible. Dominated the downwind squad. He understands the dynamics of his place in the High, and how his roll changed to drinking the special reserve that night. Played real well Sunday too.  

Gangsta – Flynn was at my place Friday night. He was there for a while… Missed 7:00 leaving time (slept till 3). Arrived late during last game. When he was on the field, looked out of shape, and like he had just gotten out of the recording room with Dre and Snoop. I can understand, priorities are priorities. 

Gaetz – With the absence of his Cathedralite buddy, stepped up his game to be a huge part of our dominance in the wind with great throws all weekend. If I had a sister, you could date her (but stay the fuck away from Nancy). 

Scotty – Just too hotty. Rupert told me after the weekend how you looked out for him, and rubbed his inner Celeron Processor with delicate caresses while singing in a low voice “here’s to dreaming of you.” Scotty keeps morale high (not funny) on the team by being a great fucking dude. So glad you got out of Wisconsin.  

Matt – One maybe two practices before his debut tournament. Saw some very promising things. Is an athlete and will be in Frisbee form in no time. Made some great catches and played good defense, especially the point you prevented a complete pass by clobbering that dude from Milwaukee. 

Paul – What are you talking about? I never know. Anyway played great D this weekend again. Going to be a solid mid for this team 

Wilberg – “Man this dude is massive, he’s so much taller than me, think of the size of his penis” – Luther captain. I agree fully.  

M Nelson - Only made it to Saturday’s games. He caught an absolute lazer that went through everyone but him, it knocked him over into the endzone for a score. You’re play is improving, few more dedicated than you, I know you love this shit.  

DT – Trieman played solid. He is a great cutter, just need to get him some sticky tack for his hands. Been great to see this kid at a lot of practices. Keep rocking the skateboard. 

Carl – You are THE sexiest man alive. MVP candidate. His play this weekend allowed us to win the tournament. He was the go to guy in the middle of the field penetrating other teams cups (and Rupert’s circuits). . Had awesome throws in the wind. Didn’t drop passes. Works so hard on this team, and it really paid off this weekend. 

Rizzo – (as written by Bussey) Consider what this dude did for us this past weekend.  His defense was sick, the disks stuck like glue, his leadership was stellar and he for sure had the best night of anyone on Saturday.  He is the only high player I have ever seen spike a disk into a soccer goal.  Your throws are consistently getting better and one of these day’s we’ll let you use them. Also, stepped into a bog up to his knee and smelt like shit at Perkins.  

Egon – Played a few points on Saturday, including a sick hammer point. On Sunday, had 3 beers down before 10:00. Miss ya this year man, you the heart and soul of the team, still.  

Schlagel/Dlee/Rockstar – Inspiration to see these guys. Helped us out a lot Saturday night getting to sleep. I love you guys. Homecoming for them was with who they feel most at home with, The High. You my bros.  

The Skirtz – Once again the Skirtz were present to cheer us on. You girls mean a lot, and we appreciate your support (and breasts) so, so much. Room 106 is open anytime. (I sleep under the clothes). Special shot out to Brittany who was there the whole weekend and was a great co-pilot (lol, that was a tough morning). 

Rupert – Rupert loves his new patch, now he only needs a blowie every 20 minutes to keep it up. Enjoyed it in the ear and the mechanical entry (located in the rear). Also enjoyed getting his dome blown. 

Anyone/thing I forgot – So sorry, better luck making an impression at Eau Claire.


Grinnell Elephantitis, September 23 - 24, 2006

as written by Brian "Rizzo" Zawacki, September 25, 2:29PM

Holy Shit! Where to start? What an amazing weekend. Here goes:
 With the weather looking gloomy, the high and Outskirtz departed St.
peter for Grinnell. Instead of putting up tents in the rain though, by
the time we arrived there was not a cloud in the sky. The beer bong
began to flow,  and smoke went up in the air (from the fire of
course).  Having to get up early to play, we of course went to bed,
well late. Although I heard from most people they slept well, a few of
us were kept awake by the loudest mooing from a cow I have ever heard,
along with other animal noises, it was pretty funny. The high played 4
games Saturday. First we had Beloit. Domination. In the first game of
the first tourney, and the first game period for about half our team,
we came out like seasoned vets, and dominated 13-6. With our third
game against a not so great Grinnell team, we knew if we won our second
game, we would get the number one seed in our pool. Our second game
was against Iowa state, a good team. We played very well, took half
and had a lead 9-7. we could not hold on though, and lost a
heartbreaker 13-11. darn. As suspected, we crushed Grinnell in our
third game. We then had a buy and headed over to watch the Skirtz. We
only had about 40 minutes to stay and watch, but we got to see a lot
of their game vs. Iowa. Actually, we really only saw about a point and
a half. in one of the longest points I've seen in a while, felt like a
half hour, the Skirtz scored!!! The high wished they could have seen
more of the girls games but from what we saw and heard, it sure looked
like you they were having a blast.
 The fourth game for the high was a tough one against a very good
Winona St. team. They crushed us the first half, and we easily could
have given up, but we fought back to make it a close game, winning the
second half 9-6. I was very proud of the way the high played in that
last game.
 Alas Saturday's games had come to an end and after some fun in the
shower, we were hungry. A bit skeptical to make a 40 mile drive for
food, I was soon convinced it was the right choice. Thank you so much
Lucas for hosting the teams. I think everyone agrees the food was
amazing and we all appreciate you hosting us. So we took off from
dinner expecting to make a fashionably late arrival at the party and
then dominate it. What a disappointment to find out that the kegs were
cashed by 9:30 and by the time we got there the party would be
breaking up. So instead we bought a 180 beers and drank around the
campfire. Sweet. Sunday the High went .500 again, winning the first
game and taking a tough loss in quarterfinals, to finish tied for 5th.
Overall I was so impressed with how the team played, we showed some
tough teams like Iowa and Winona that the high isn't going to bend
over and take it up the ass from them anymore. Boojah.
 After a 30 pack in the shower, we headed to the China Sea where we
stuffed ourselves then headed back. A few brave soldiers (12 of us I
think) accepted the challenge of stuffing ourselves again, this time
with pizza, and drinking 25 cent pitchers at Pagliai's.
 Ok, hope that wasn't too long, trust me I could have written a
dissertation on the events of the weekend.  See you all at hot tub
practice tonight!!!

Max - Where would the high be without him. Dominates on and off the
field. Only person to have a foot block (3 I think). Short on handlers
he stepped up big in the backfield.  I love playing frisbee with you.

Quist - While making a hard cut (as he did all weekend) a disk was
thrown well behind him. With all his momentum going the other way, he
froze himself in midair matrix style to try and make a play on the
disk. It was fucking sick. Of all the tourneys he's been to, he laid
out more in this one than any other. Just sick man?

Kyle - Kyle's experience, knowledge of the game, and athletic ability
makes him one of the most well rounded players on the high. Proved to
be a constant contributor whenever he played. One of these days I'll
get you to layout?

Carl - One of the hardest working players on the team, doing sprints
after practice to get in shape. It showed this weekend, he played sick
D and stepped up huge handling the disk on the D line. Also one of the
sexiest mother fuckers alive.

Vick - This weekend Justin proved how valuable he is to this team, and
he did it by not playing! In our second game, we were rolling against
ISUC. Up 9-7, he went down. There is no doubt in my mind we win that
game, and maybe a couple others, if he is in the lineup. He is our
number one handler and one of the best defensive players on the team.
We missed you. Endzone dances just aren't the same without you. we all
wish you a speedy recovery.

Starfox - Bussey also is one of the hardest working and most dedicated
players on the team. He stepped up when Vick went down and played
solid all weekend. His passion for the game is so huge for this team
and is going to be a great leader for the high.

Flynn and Gaetz - No nicknames for these two yet, will have to work on
that. Dan and Pat have been saviors for this team. After losing 4
handlers to graduation last year, we knew we were in trouble. To get
not one, but two experienced handlers is unbelievable. Played so good
on the field, and then acted like true members of the high off it. You
guys are gonna fit right in. I think its safe to say a few quality
players have come out of CHS. Nice work guys.  oh, passed out on each
others shoulders on the ride home, how cute?

Mr. Block - After playing with Dan all summer in the TCUL, I have
watched him progress into a great player. Can really get in the air.
made some sick D's. needed him to handle some and he did a great job.
Will have one of the best highlight films of anyone on the team. And
Dan, you're a fucking sweet dude.

Dobbs - Has made leaps and bounds of progress since the beginning of
the year. Consistently made cuts for the disk and caught them. He is
going to be a valuable mid. Also has been steadily improving his
throws, and when the time is right, we'll let you use them.

Paul -  I told Paul Saturday night he reminded me of myself. Good high
school athlete, but no ultimate experience. Comes to Grinnell for his
first tourney, and leaves a mark. Made a D against Iowa St. that I
never would have thought he could have made. The potential in this kid
is huge. (he also reminds me of a younger Rizzo with the way he lives
it up. Fuck yeah!!!)

Matt - another player with little experience who is learning fast. Has
made quite the progress for not knowing what a force was at the
beginning of the year. Can't wait to watch you keep improving.

Inspector Gadget - ah Wilberg. When all else fails, just float him
one. My favorite was when he hade a two handed grab in between 2 other
players, who both ended up on the ground while he stood over them like
they were his bitches. Missed ya Sunday, you are a deadly weapon.

Tyler - I was really impressed with Tyler's play this weekend. He did
a little bit of handling, a role he did very well at. Made one of the
sickest catches of the weekend laying out to scoop a low line drive
before it hit a blade of grass. Also one of only 3 players to have a
handblock. Sick man.

Chris - Chris emailed us in July asking if you could play in our
summer league saying he would be dedicated and work as hard as he
could. He's been at every practice I've been able to make, and so far
is one of the, if not the most improved player on the team. Made some
great cuts this weekend and stuck some catches. He will only get better.

Scotty-2-Hotty - I Love this kid. Works his ass off when he's on the
field. But man does this kid know how to have fun off it too. 10 beers
in the shower? Impressive. Come downstairs anytime.

Ninja - There is a lot to say about Nate. He played EXTREMELY well
this weekend. Talk about well rounded players, he can catch, he can
throw, and he can play defense. He did all three of these very well
this weekend. Did everything we asked him to do on the field (handle,
cut, play D) and left his mark. One of the top 10 players on the High.

Nick -  I was impressed with nick. He has been at a lot of practices
and it showed this weekend.  You can't catch a disk if you never put
yourself in the right spot in the first place. Nick was in the right
spot a lot, making great mid cuts all weekend.

Willy - Willy is another very well rounded player on the high. He is
very smart when he gets the disk and has the confidence and the
ability to make great upline throws as a mid ? which is so huge. I
love nickel and diming with big will. Also, congrats on getting into
Christine's pants.

Lucas - another freshman with huge potential, is going to get better
everyday. Played very well this weekend. OMG, the food at your place
was amazing, I ate so much. Thank you and your parents for letting
your place be an oasis for GAC ultimate.

Rizzo - Was a little disappointed with my catching ability after
spraining my thumb against Iowa. Besides max and Tyler, only other
player with a handblock. Enjoyed that sliding layout catch in the
first game and then the ¾ field throw to my bro max.  I love Gustavus
Ultimate and everyone involved in it.

Braman - Really thought she would back out at the last minute? So glad
you came (even though you're a blanket hog). wish you could have been
out there with the Skirtz, but I know they loved having you there.
Sarah is an athlete and will be a giant contributor to the Skirtz.
heal up that knee and maybe we'll see you out there still this fall. A
dozen beers Saturday before 3 while watching the Skirtz? That a girl.

Ok, I think I got everyone, if I forgot someone I am so sorry. See you
all tonight at the hot tub!


F.U.C.K.P.E.N.I.S. May 14, 2006 (The day after the night the cave party got busted)

as written by Trevor Potter, aka Stoner, May 18th

A little late, but someone's gotta do a recap:

Everyone woke up after a hard night of drinking and getting breathalyzed by
the Po-Po, and knew that the only thing to raise their spirits was a rollicking
game of fuckpenis.  Hearing of the momentous occasion, three DUDES made the
trek down to participate.

As old ladies and Lucia singers walked around us to their concert in the
Chapel, team Braines yelled FUCKPENIS and pulled to team Ban.  Team Braines quickly
gained the upper hand and moved the action past Nobel.  Team Ban rallied to
move the disc through Confer-Vickner, but was soon pushed back to ring road.
Just when team Ban thought it was safe, Jlo hucks a forehand from way behind
ring road that never stopped rising and solidly nailed Pitman third story for
the first point.  It was determined that if Pittman wasn't in the way, the
huck would've crossed the river.

In point two, it was team Ban putting the pressure on.  Team Braines tried
to work it on the football field, but Wade ended up tearing his balls trying to
jump the fence.  Soon team Braines had marched the disc down to Pittman
where Palmer launched a forehand that missed pitman by an inch.  Finally Rob
closed it out with a solid backhand that sent team Braines captain Karl looking for
the disc on the roof.

With the game tied 1-1, thus began the epic point 3.  Braines took the disc
down the hill by confer vickner, but then Ban brough it back to the library, and
hammered it over the skyway.  Jlo's huck continually devasted Team Ban but
Team Ban found second wind to breakaway toward Coed.  For an hour the two teams
battled in the coed parking lot, unable to make the final push.  When people
began falling over, it was decided a trifecta was in order, and the game was

Final Score:
Team Braines: 1
Team Ban:     1

Thrill on the Hill 2006  (open w/ iexplorer)

Not the Average Sport 
Published Date: 04-23-2006 11:04 PM CT
When you think of an athletic tournament, usually a sport like baseball or basketball comes to mind. But certainly not this sport played in St. Peter today. For these guys and girls at Gustavus, Frisbee is their sport. This weekend was the fourth annual thrill on the hill, Frisbee tournament at Gustavus university. Teams from all over Minnesota, South Dakota, North Dakota and even Canada came to take each other on in some intense competitions. These players say Frisbee is something you can easily get addicted to. Come out once, play in tournament once, and basically you never turn back. Gustavus took home the glory this afternoon, winning the championship game after beating team Canada thirteen to eleven.

Ultimate thrill
Game adheres to ‘highly competitive play’ with ‘mutual respect between players’

By Shane Frederick
The Free Press


Whoever invented the game of ultimate must have had some nerve.


To use such a superlative to describe a sport that requires little more than a Frisbee and an open field seems a bit brash.

To declare that a contest born out of peace, love and bare feet is the paramount of play sounds somewhat shameless.

Certainly, there must have been ball players of all kinds who, upon learning of such a sport, objected to its name.

But almost 40 years after it was conceived, ultimate appears quite comfortable in its own characterization.

“It’s so different than other sports,” said Peter Hughes, who plays for the Gustavus Adolphus College ultimate team, the Gustavus High.

Athletically, Hughes describes ultimate as a combination of football, soccer and basketball. Teams of seven try to move a flying disc into their opponents’ end zone by passing it between one another and keeping it off the ground.

At Gustavus’ Thrill on the Hill ultimate tournament Saturday, an odd duality was also obvious.

Games were as competitive as hockey but also as relaxed as slow-pich softball.

“Our game represents what Frisbee should be like,” Hughes said. “It’s the right mix. We take away from it what’s important to us.”

During the High’s game against a Minneapolis-based men’s club team called TBA, Led Zeppelin blasted away on a boom box while a group of Gustavus students crashed on and around a couch along the sidelines.

A couple of grills cooked burgers and brats near the end zone, and the Red Bull girls showed up to hand out free samples to players and spectators.

On the field, the game was intense, though.

Players got dirty, diving head-first for errant discs to maintain possession, and they got sweaty sprinting under soaring discs for scores.

“I got my hand right on that,” Hughes yelled, upset at himself for letting an opponent’s pass slip by him for a score. “I can’t believe I missed that.”

A few minutes later, however, Hughes was happy, leading his teammates in a rousing halftime chorus of “Stand by Your Man.”

Actually, ultimate players say they stand by a “Spirit of the Game” credo. According to the Ultimate Players Association Web site, “Highly competitive play is encouraged but never at the expense of the bond of mutual respect between players, adherence to the rules and the basic joy of play.”

Players self-officiate games, calling their own fouls and keeping score.

“It’s the basic tenet of the sport,” Gustavus’ David Garfunkel said. “Otherwise, the sport wouldn’t function.”

Said Hughes: “The big thing we rely on is the ‘Spirit of the Game.’ ... Games can get crazy, but it’s all on you.”

Both the Gustavus High and the Outskirtz, the college’s women’s team, qualified for regionals, which will be played at Iowa City, Iowa, next weekend. The winners will move on to nationals.

“This is fun,” Hughes said of the Thrill on the Hill. “But (regionals) will be very competitive.”


College Sectionals April 8-9, 2006 ("St. John's"!!!)

as written by Brian "Rizzo" Zawacki, April 9, 10:27PM

 Great fucking job this weekend boys. i am so pumped to hopefully have a chance
to play in regions. everyone played the best i have ever seen them play.

Max: accelerates through the air for one of the sickest catches of the weekend
against thomas.

Ninja: sick hammer catch to keep the possesion alive on universe point verse SJU

Willy: ridiculous left handed grab against st thomos. OMG, hope you didn't shit
yourself on that one

Carl: stepped it up huge. possibly the sickest layout D of the tourney. that red
hair was flashing all over the field

JLO: oversleeps sunday morning. drives 90 on the highway and shows up at 11 up
in must way game. first throw is a complete duck. comes back with sick rifle to
palmer in enzone, and plays god while throwing hammers in the wind

Funk: So solid. consistently playing hard with great cuts and throws the whole
weekend. leaves huge divot in gound after pounding fist in anger after a drop.
also destroyed garbage can and jug of water

Splett: fucking amazing. sick D in the cup and a ridiculous layout catch to tie
it vs johnies. makes another espn highlight on a phat catch while elbowing
himself in the gut

Glen: i thought the huge guy on our team making sick catches and destroying
people on D was injured. oh wait, that wasn't puffer, that was fucking glen.
played mid as well as anyone the whole weekend

Stoner: what a fucking animal, could hear him grunting from the sideline. what
ridiculous puts all tourney long. the MAN in the cup.

Egon: 2 instances where i have never seen him sky anyone like he did before this
weekend. a much needed handle on saturday and kept our spirits up like no one
else. "I wanna know where da moneys at!" "VEGAS!!!"

Cock Block: set himslef up beautifly with an endzone cut vs. SJU, then falls on
his ass as disk gets to him. seriously though, played so well at mid, and gave
our team a huge advantage on sunday by giving us a place to sleep and food to

Palmer: somehow always getting open, no ones knees are more banged up than his
from getting on the ground, well i guess he is so damn old his knees are bound
to give out sooner or later. played some key points as a handler when we needed

Dan: seriously made some great cuts as a mid this weekend, and when thrown too
made some sticks. his D improved throughout the weekend.

Bussey: backhand lazers against the wind still scare me at night. so solid.
problably the best conditioned athlete on our team and it showed. couldn't have
made it regions without this stupid freshman.

Whitoff: Played his guts out through some pain. put his body on the line just
like vick does, only he can actualy made sick throws. 2 dances after some sick
puts made me laugh so hard my side killed.

Tyler: Fucking freshman made a ridicluous superman catch on saturday. played
sick the whole weakend

Quist: works so hard when he is out there makes me tired. until he mentioned it
on sunday, no one had scored on him all weekend. sick D

Kyle: i actually heard this kid make a call. the quiet man does have a voice!
seriously though always making great cuts, solid hands, and great D

Brian: pretty much lost my voice during the weekend. on bedrest till this
weekend, and now back to it until fucking regions!!! so proud of our team.
scored with cblocks mom after everyone went to bed.

Hot tub practice tomorrow night @7:30.
light practice tuesday and then we'll tune up some things in the next couple
weeks before we rock out at thrill. already 12 teams commited, its gonna be
sick. peace out,



S.U.C.K.D.O.N.G. February 18, 2006 (Case Day)

as written by Trevor Potter, aka Stoner, February 19

1st Annual S.U.C.K.D.O.N.G. 
Team Sober: 5
Team Drunk: 6 (disqualified)
In an epic battle to keep fluids within the body, Team Drunk was poised to edge Team Sober and take the victory until they were disqualified in the last second of the game.
The game began with Palmer, Egon, and Stoner comprising Team Drunk and Bussey, Kyle, and Christine being Team Sober.  Goals were scored by throwing hammers through the uprights.  Team Drunk started out strong, scoring into the wind and clinching a devastating 3 point lead.  But Team Sober rallied as Team Drunk wilted in he hot sun and evened the game.  Dan Trieman joined the game as a constant offense player, keeping Team Drunk alive as Egon spent more and more time on the ground.  But he soon joined Team Sober permanently when Bussey decided to go shopping at the Mall of America. 
Team Drunk only needed to continue trading goals one for one to seal their victory when unexpectedly Palmer, in a fit of rage at another of Egon's throws into the ground, roundhouse kicked the disc, exploding it into shards all over the field and effectively forfeiting the game to Team Sober, the victors.
Player recap:
Egon: Puked and rallied, spent half of the game on the ground, achieved an amazing 20% catching ratio (when the disc was thrown perfectly)
Kyle: Hammer-punted the disc every chance he got and was always open.
Palmer: Never puked, scored massive points into the wind, obliterated the disc
Christine:  Scored by bouncing her hammer off of the cross bar and over and owned Egon on defense
Stoner: Achieved the only handblock of the game by being a bitch and slapping Christine's hammer-score attempt.
Treiman:  Caught everything and ran around like he was on a coke binge.
Bussey:  Scored upwind for Team Sober, skyed the hell out of Team Drunk


F.U.C.K.P.E.N.I.S. December 11, 2005. 1:00 - 3:00 PM
25 degrees, partly sunny, flurries


as written by Peter D. "Egon" Hughes aka µpenis

Team Braines - 1
Team Ban - 1

The harry men (Scotty, Palmer) represented Team Braines (and the man) well, but
it wasn't enough to stop Christine's Team Ban from making a dominant comeback.
It was pretty much completely ridiculous.

The Recap:
Stoner - almost ran into a fire hydrant, scored the first point for Team Braines
with a high release forehand over Withoff into some chick's Pittman window (who
was probably having sex).
Dan - tried to climb a tree. twice. also climbed Pittman and helped out the
aforementioned girl.
Palmer - sick indoor nobel layout, played the Caf point while eating a wrap
Puffer - layout over a snow mound, hung out in the trenches
Kara - splits on the ice
Rizzo - D'ed the disc while in the campus center - into some chick's head.
Withoff - caught a hammer over the cars...until he ran into a parked van.
represented michael vick well, as always.
Sally - the future Skirtz handler consistently made some sick puts
Bussey - work that shit up and made sure we got it into the caf. was rumored to
be playing on jaeg from the night before
Dani - layed out on on the snow and ice whenever she got the chance after
appearing out of the mist
Christine - quiet like a mouse, caught everything that came her way
Kyle - always there as a deep threat, always flanking...and always skying Egon
Egon - scored Team Ban's point with a backhand huck that had just enough juice
to give Coed a little love tap
Scotty - tried to layout into the bushes, always lurking back, and always making
that crucial up-campus catch
Wille - sick D, sticky gloves. (didn't he sky Cowboy Troy?)
Glen - layed out into a huge friggin' bush. i still can't believe it

I think I got everybody. I apologize if I missed anyone. Thanks everyone for
coming out, it's always a pleasure! Good luck, have fun, be safe, and always
use protection.




F.U.C.K.P.E.N.I.S. December 13, 2004

as written by Krista "Red" Hoeschen

December 12th, 2004
2:00pm, with 50 mile/hour winds and fucking cold ass temperatures the game began.
Team Ban headed towards co-ed.  Team Brains headed towards Pittman.  
Starting off both teams had quite the challenge ahead of them.  Weaving around trees and mounds of shrubs/dirt.  Not to mention the little adventure though the Social Science Building.  The majority of the game was played on the East side of campus, yes.. the hill.  Working our way up the hill and over and back, only to find ourselves sprinting after the disc as it rolled back down, time and again...and again. 
Maika- weaving through the undergrowth swift as a deer
Rachel- finding the open lanes before the wind could catch up
Ellen- Quiet as a mouse found herself in prime defensive position
Sally- always smiling she made catching look easy
Skonnie- more graceful than an elf- but still a hobbit
Torch- his ability to 'huck the shit out of it'
Dlee- loved throwing it out of the trees
Ross- ready to make the catch- even though the disc liked to jump around in his hands
Rizzo- readying the wind like a professional
Withoff- awesome technique sprinting down the hill and working like hell to get it back on top
Egon- a spirit as wild as the wind, keeping the games intensity moving 
jOlson- some sick defensive stops
Kyle- the quiet threat- does this kid ever drop it?
Thrill- has made handling an art form
Splett- Player of the Game with a sick Randy Moss style catch right next to Pittman, which lead to his first fuckpenis point ever
Injured List:
    Rizzo- hit in the face by Dlee (by running into his hand?)
    Dlee- hand being hit by Rizzo's face
    Thrill- using the disc to help him do the splits
    Withoff- seeing how tough the shrubbery at GAC was with a full layout on top of it all
    Splett- getting smoked by a bench
    Everyone else- wind burn/ cold as hell
Final score: Team Brains 1        Team Ban 0
Ending time: 4:05pm
Thanks everyone for coming out and playing. 
Arguably, it was the best fuckpenis game I've ever played.
*Anyone who I have not mentioned, I am truly sorry- but know that you played a hell of game, and the tradition wouldn't be alive without crazies like ourselves. 


F.U.C.K.P.E.N.I.S. May 9, 2004

as written by Sir Joe Thrillbrath Milbrath aka Thrill

Twas a balmy sunday afternoon where the mercury seemed to be pushing 90.
Team Ban, lead by seasoned veteran Amit Bohara, met with Team Braines, lead
by Tejas "southern bell" Smith, to decide who was once and for all:

Winning the flip, it looked as if it surely was Team Ban's day for victory.
With charges lead by a scrappy Trevor "stoner" Pothead, and great catches by
Kathryn "don't call me Skonsworth" Maillette, rookie Jon Borle and the "one
and only" Red, Team Ban rallied through the Co-Ed parking lot.  A little
nickel and diming from Smalls and The Lorax put Team Ban in position to take
an early lead.  Coach Bohara capitalized on the stong play with a HUGE huck
with the wind, crushing into a first floor window of a freshman cell.  TEAM

After a long walk back to Chapel, Team Braines looked to change the tides of
the game.  There was a sense of urgency in the eyes of the teams all-stars.
With an enormous pull from team heart-throb Joe Milbrath landing on top of
the chapel, David "Lurk" Garfunkel and Nick "I can play a guitar
upside-down" Palmer gathered Team Braines and looked to even the score.
Jason "Torchy" Scherer fooled every member of Team Ban out with amazing
fakes, while Julia "Montana Rules!" Gustafson made blistering cuts for the
disc.  Team Braines wore down the tenacious defense of Team Ban, and when a
last effort throw landed in the hands of diving Tyler "manwhore-but I'm
settling down" Wilken it was obvious they were not to be denied.  Quick
passes from "Danni the diver" and Erin "I dont go to Gustavus" Tallguy,
dodged cars and defenders as Team Braines closed in for a point.  Half-way
through the Co-Ed parking lot, Torch hucked a forehand that with a little
boost from the wind smashed into Justin "My name's Jonas" Jonas' window.

After an hour and a half of epic FUCKPENIS play, it was decided that both
Team Ban and Team Braines were both Champs.

FINAL SCORE: Team Ban 1 - Team Braines 1

On a side note, thanks to everyone for keeping this tradition alive.  I hope
fun times were had by all!  Also, thanks to everyone for coming out to the
bonfire last night!  It was a great time and I'll keep everyone posted for
the next time we do it.  Have a good Mother's Day everyone, and call your