BRITAIN KICKS ASS OF GERMANY, VAMPIRE

An interesting thing happened tonight. As Britain bravely fought against evil zombie Hitler, it unwisely lent its heavy artillery to a vampire. The blood sucker was very complementary and flattering, to the point were even Germany ruled out its threat. The vampire proceeded to fire a round into Winston Churchill's chest.

"Now red and terrible thine Hand,
Scourges with WAR our guilty Land:
Europe thy flaming Vengeance feels,
And from her deep Foundation reels."

Germany interceded, nefariously safe-keeping the British artillery, allowing the vampire a five second head-start before gleefully permitting King George to give chase. Suffice it to say that all escapes were locked for the undead villain: in a tousled fight, its butt was repeatedly kicked. And, incidentally, shot a few times.

When all was said and done, Germany had this advice for the Gustavus campus: "Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, it is wrong to tell young recruits that they are." Thank you, Germany. We're all a little more worried.

Assassination counseling, reconnaissance, and intelligence services available.
Contact Geoff Wessendorf. If you can't find me, you don't deserve my services.

Natalie & Allison's Weapon-Making and Letter-Opening Service

We hate you, too! A once-in-a-lifetime chance to acquire once-in-a-deathtime happiness, and you shmucks aren't even trying to get your grubby little paws in on it!
These corpse-like individuals will still gladly turn your raw materials into serial-killing machines, but you'd better ask nicely.
Also, their new and improved letter-opening service takes the "glare" out of "kick your ass"!

Prairie View 124
#6615