The Rules
October 28, 2006
October 27, 2006
October 26, 2006
October 19, 2006
October 18, 2006
October 17, 2006
October 16, 2006
October 15, 2006
October 14, 2006
NEWS FLASH! MYSTERIOUS DEATHS CONTINUE WITH EARLY MORNING SMASHY SMASHY
After observing a suspicious weapon-loaded patrol circling his dorm and general living areas, presumed target Jon Carlson sought refuge in the room of a trusting friend at 1:30AM. The friend, whose name has yet to be released by stunned Safety and Security officials, was found at 2:15 by Carlson with his skull clubbed in. Says a traumatized Carlson; "The weapon must have been some sort of a Smashy Smashy Club. It's really the only way to get so Smashy Smashied."
The victim's roommate, who claims to have returned from an innocent bathroom trip to find a bloody pulp-like corpse on his floor, is suspected of the murder.
OBOEIST FINDS SHINIES, DIES
There is said to be a ghost haunting the practice rooms of Bjorling Music Hall, forever continuing to play her oboe.
Some many say that's no big deal: Bjorling has been haunted since forever. This reporter thinks they fail to see the tragedy.
Around 2:30PM, the corpse of a well-loved orchestra member was discovered, her hands covered in some form of unidentified shiny poison. Authorities report that it came with some sort of sick sadistic note:
"You're dead."
Oh, the tragedy. Won't someone appreciate the tragedy?
She never even got a chance to read that note.
NERVE GAS WEILDING MANIAC WASN'T UP WITH HIS GREEK MYTHOLOGY
As evening crept on to night, a botched knifing and a hallway scimitar chase lead to predictable results: nerve gas in Co-ed.
The incident was reputed to have begun when a young man walked into a lounge, and pulled a knife on a young lady in Kevlar. The young lady wasn't just happy to see him: she proceeded to produce a two foot scimitar from her pants, and chased him down the halls.
There was more than a little paranoia in the air as she then proceeded to lock herself and her roommate into their tiny Co-ed room, hereafter referred to as "The Death Chamber".
When a knock sounded on the door of The Death Chamber, the scimitar girl's less scary roommate unwisely opened the door as Scimiy stood behind it, shiriken in hand. A nerve gas smelling of men's cologne was then sprayed into the lungs and mortal coil of the unfortunate roommate.
A cruel twist of fate! A double knock out! As the gas wafted with alarming speed towards Scimiy, she flung her skiriken.
According to initial police reports, her assailant was wearing full body armor. According to the initial coroner's report, he failed to cover his Achilles' tendon area. The shiriken was poisoned so, like a tragic Greek momma's boy, he died.
Authorities report their amusement and, surely, their crushing sadness with this episode's outcome as their investigation into the weekend's string of murders continues.